Don’t have a party to satisfy everyone else’s need to celebrate my momentous aging and just run away to the Australian Bush to be alone during my existential crisis. Take my boyfriend so I’m not all by myself while having an existential crisis alone – that would truly suck!
Don’t talk to my boyfriend the whole time because I am too stricken with existentialism. Feel like a bitch for not talking to my boyfriend on the holiday he lovingly gifted me to honour my aging. Fuck it, now I’m 40 and a bitch!
Take an obligatory selfie next to a spectacular natural scene to honour the occasion of me achieving this momentous age but look like death because I am at the bottom of a cold and dark waterfall and I am from a different era. The one that never mastered the fine art of the selfie.
Feel guilty for not satisfying others needs, so don’t do what I most love in the world and attend the local circus studio, instead be busy spending all my time not speaking to my boyfriend and trying to figure out what I really want to do with my life now that I’m 40.
Fuck it, I’m 40, and I still don’t know what I want to do when I grow up.
Treesa Green 